I'm not a poet, neither am I great writer. I can't string words together to make them read sophisticated and "chim" — I know, an utter waste of the time spent at creative writing classes when I was in primary school; time that I could have spent watching my favourite Cardcaptor Sakura, seriously. But since I have this absolutely free space for all the weirdness in me, I'm gonna make full use of it. Aside from the usual — hopefully less — childish ramblings, this medium will be where I try to practise the languages I'm learning/have learnt. Since I can't be speaking to someone native all the time, talking or writing to myself is probably the next best only method I can think of. I'm pretty confident of my Korean (not ready for some political debate anytime soon, though, thank you), but my Japanese is crap. The best way to learn is always touted to being interested and picking things up along the trail of curiosity but really, guys, learning a lan...
Ignoring the fact that I haven't posted here for YEARS (totally skipping COVID-19, 3 job hops and the disbandment (AGAIN) of a boy band I truly loved???), rereading my blog posts made me realise how I've packaged my posts to seem so optimistic. I guess it's my subconscious being very aware of the fact that the blog (used to) has an audience; it was a public blog that sometimes I guess old friends who may still have my blog link could see. I honestly can't tell if I'm happier or worst than before, but these few weeks have been hard. The smallest things trigger me and my mood is extremely volatile. I write mostly (but still hardly) in my notion notebook instead since it's private, but when I get reminded of this blog the next time, I hope I am in a better state of mind.
#1 I sent the apologies to Dana and the 이상한 언니. I don't know what came over me, but the morning after I posted the previous blogpost, I wrote to the two of them. Last I checked, they both seemed to not have read it. It doesn't make me disappointed though; I'm just glad I plucked up the courage to even do that. It's not me trying to give myself a pat on the back, though I wonder again if apologies only benefit the wrongdoer since it doesn't erase the suffering the victim has to go through. Like I wrote previously, I only hope that the apology conveys how much I regret my actions and makes them feel better, no matter how slightly it is. I guess this is closure then?
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