// dreamelesse.

The rain poured and then...it stopped. Usually it would pour and then next thing you know the temperature's back to being uncomfortably warm. But tonight, the presence of the rain from before lingers and while it may not be Winter, the cold is still quite chilling to the bones. And there's no wind blowing. Nothing. It really feels foreign, literally. This stillness and atmosphere reminds me of hotels so quiet that it makes me wonder now if there were other guests there at all. Looks like all that Haruki Murakami reading paid off. My post sounds so novel-ish! I hope I can remember what I what to say. So. I have an unnie which I usually (affectionately/out of knowing her) address as "이상한 언니" (Weird Older Sister in Korean), due to her weird habits and thinking. Not downright wacko, but unusual. I guess you can say it might actually be a good thing since it's called "creativity" when you think "out of the box", but there are things like common cour

I've been feeling really stressed these fee days - about finding a part-time job, about EDS (a very troublesome module) and about slacking. Obviously everyone's feels stressed about these things at some point of their lives, but I take things too hard. I don't know why but I can never ever tell my friends these things and make them convinced that I AM feeling damn affected. Not that they're uncaring bitches, something just gets lost in communication and my worries gets downplayed a lot. I used not understand why Da-eul Kim chose to commit suicide out of loneliness, but now I do. There's so much on my mind, but there's always no one I can truly consult and get solutions, or at the very least, consolation. Maybe (I wouldn't like to be so superstitious) I'm just a true blue Leo - prideful and egoistic. I hate to lose and I like to compete. If I lose, I just can't accept that I am less capable and just can't feel sincerely happy for somebody. It irks

Sometimes it can feel really lonely, even when the room is full of chatter; even when we're with friends. It's prolly a reflexive feeling that is manifested due to the lack of attention. I can feel really low for no apparent reasons and be secretly hoping for somebody to notice - and I feel better already. It makes me wonder if, unconsciously, I'm being an attention-seeking whore. Duh yes, people need attention - because only when people notice you, you start existing, in a spiritual way. It's really not living if there's no interactions and connections. When I think about how people dissappointment my expectations, especially when it's a friend, that with-someone-but-lonely feeling will crawl it's way into my brain. Personally, I don't like to not show it when I don't like something, and when a friend does that, it really makes me wonder. Reflecting on that, I realised that I use my strengths as yard sticks when I determine what's right and wro