// dreamelesse.

I've been feeling really stressed these fee days - about finding a part-time job, about EDS (a very troublesome module) and about slacking. Obviously everyone's feels stressed about these things at some point of their lives, but I take things too hard. I don't know why but I can never ever tell my friends these things and make them convinced that I AM feeling damn affected. Not that they're uncaring bitches, something just gets lost in communication and my worries gets downplayed a lot. I used not understand why Da-eul Kim chose to commit suicide out of loneliness, but now I do. There's so much on my mind, but there's always no one I can truly consult and get solutions, or at the very least, consolation. Maybe (I wouldn't like to be so superstitious) I'm just a true blue Leo - prideful and egoistic. I hate to lose and I like to compete. If I lose, I just can't accept that I am less capable and just can't feel sincerely happy for somebody. It irks...

Sometimes it can feel really lonely, even when the room is full of chatter; even when we're with friends. It's prolly a reflexive feeling that is manifested due to the lack of attention. I can feel really low for no apparent reasons and be secretly hoping for somebody to notice - and I feel better already. It makes me wonder if, unconsciously, I'm being an attention-seeking whore. Duh yes, people need attention - because only when people notice you, you start existing, in a spiritual way. It's really not living if there's no interactions and connections. When I think about how people dissappointment my expectations, especially when it's a friend, that with-someone-but-lonely feeling will crawl it's way into my brain. Personally, I don't like to not show it when I don't like something, and when a friend does that, it really makes me wonder. Reflecting on that, I realised that I use my strengths as yard sticks when I determine what's right and wro...

I was planning to post this on my Tumblr, but screw it - this place is my home. ♥ ---------------------------- "돌이킬수 없는 시간들 무너져내리는 감정들 붙잡아도 손틈사이로 흩어져" - BoA They're like each other - kinda socially awkward. Both can judge easily and jump to unconfirmed conclusions. But one is willing to listen to advice, while the other drown in her own misery. If you tell the former about her flaws, she'll reflect on it and do something positive but the latter seems to just crawl deeper and further into her own world. So what happened when I told the former some bad news? She thinks the whole world hates her. Simply said, I meant that the former is more optimistic and the latter more pessimistic. Perhaps there are some things I shouldn't tell another person - no matter how much I think I should; no matter how relevant is it to them. Maybe sometimes I should just let it slide and (bloody crap, cheesiness) protect them from the socially- and self-inflicted pain. But I gues...

"Did you know? I heard that diamonds don't get hurt. Tough and beautiful, it even shines. But it is strong and will never get hurt." - Doctor, 「素直になれなくて」 Emo posts are emo. This one's not, I promise! PMS is driving me nuts - now I sound schizophrenic. Wiki-surfing today and learnt about something called neurosis. It's a psychological...condition? It's not as serious as you might think, though plenty of the people in the world have it. I might, but since I'm aware of it, I should be fine. Perhaps this is the devil oppressing me. Sounds like an awfully weird confession. It's been a few days since Zheng Xuan's passing. He should be finally at real rest by now - be happy where ever you are, your friends and family are always with you. The date 1st May (1/5) has a few meanings to me, I mentioned two in a one of the posts earlier. My Strange (in a funny, not bad way, don't worry) Unnie told me about a TP design student commiting suicide on the same d...

It's like there's bad things and things we fear - We call them devils. And there's us that's all on our mission, trying to fight them our own way. Alone, together. Internally, externally. If there's such a devil, there's a reason why it's there. We can try and probably win fighting it, but... It's in me, and I feel a little helpless. Like I know it's wrong and I don't want to think that way, yet the thoughts keep coming. It's a war. But a war will always have the winning side. How can I lose if I know what I need to know? Do I sound schizophrenic? I probably do. =/

Do you know the meaning of this song? It's "Smile as you bade goodbye". Yesterday was the day 1/5 of my persistent dream was fulfilled. Yesterday was also the day my ex-classmate passed away. My dream seems so irrelevant and minute compared to a loss of life, doesn't it? I can't remember when we first became classmates but what I knew of you then is a huge contrast with your current personality. As much as I want to apologise for being an ass while we were classmates in primary school, it's too late isn't it? I only wish that you know, we were all too young and stupid. All the things we did, we said, how much could we actually remember? I'm really sorry we were so immature. There's a lot going through my head but I can't say all. Even if the driver doesn't want this to happen, he's still at fault. He might actually think he's unlucky to have caused everything. but he can't change anything. Blame it on himself. My Dad suggested t...

Did the egg come first; or the hen? 난나쁜 딸이야 최송해 엄마

My left ear just bled while I was cleaning it. Eww gross? Yea, I know. I thought I was gonna lost my hearing in that ear! Gawd! I was so scared! But turns out it's not the eardrum but the ear. So now I'm sleeping, lying on my left so that the blood doesn't "gos-stun" and flow into my eardrum...! Okay, really gross AND scary but I love my ear and this is seriously scaring me! It'll be better tomorrow, or strictly, today. It's only the second day of the new academic year! Please don't go, I love you, ear!!!!! ;____;

Lol, long title much? =P Suddenly blogging a little too frequent than usual - surprised? Well, the frequency is far from when I was back in high school, that's for sure. But, I'm trying to make it a habit. To make myself express myself better and to raise my standard of English, deteriorating so badly thanks to a lack of reading. I need to get my love for books back - saw a few titles I would love to read! ^^ Anyway, had a meaningful Truth or Truth session today. Playing it with Jin and Pei makes me think of the friends I've...neglected - that the right word? I'm too passive when it comes to keeping in contact, so I'll try to change that! :E What I did today, too - hurling vulgarities at the poor TV in unnie's house because Little Big Planet's full of jumping, which I absolutely suck at in video games. But it's such a cute game, I tried my best!

"외로움은 더해가고 젖어드네 꿈속에" - 이효리 안녕 블로그 아ㅏㅏㅏ! :) I've been a huge lazy bum, all the time in between the previous post and this one. If the frequency (or lack) of posts doesn't show that, the fact that I'm blogging from my iPhone on my bed should be good enough proof! What I've been up to...trying to get competiton entries done (failing terribly) and faking to be a Korean by watching plenty of Korean TV. I swear I watch as much if not more than the average Korean. I must be crazy. Went collecting my pay and watching a movie with Nat, FJ and my twin. Got onto the topic of GPA and I felt horrible because mine was so sucky...! OK, Michelle and many others would love to plant a punch on my face for bullshitting, but my (+ my Dad and the soiety's) expectations are higher - I can't run, I can only fight. Besides, I'm more than willing to fight because Pei told me one of her seniors was sent to Korea for a 2-month long ITP, and her nice teacher said it's fin...

3 days of "chasing" Wonder Girls. Woah...! Can't believe I actually did that for almost half a week. Though we didn't stalk (24/7 or close to), it felt like it because all we did was waited for the appearance of the elusive Wonder Girls. Honestly, I am not a huge fan of Wonder Girls (what's more with my favourite, Sunmi, leaving), but I'm glad I tagged along at the request of my dear Pangi Chye Ja. It's great meeting new friends and what's more, getting so close in such a short time! I really hope we can stay in contact and meet up, WG-related or not. Thanks to Joelle, Felicia and PCJ, it's been fun albeit frustrating at times. Whew, it's over. I'm glad we got to see them everyday, though the photo-taking part was still impossible. At least we tried! 8th to 10th March 2010.

I really wish Jyuni will release and promote a solo work soon. 2010, please? It's...2 days after the new year and I've finally came to blog. =) I did remind myself to write my new year resolutions in my new diary before the new year day ended, though. ^^ I shan't make them empty promises! Anyway, some obligatory wishes here too: I wish it'll be a year I successfully become more hardworking and achieve my goals. I wish it'll be a year I get to go Korea with my friends, with the money I will earn. I wish it'll be a year I feel like I accomplished something. I wish it'll be a year I will feel happy reminiscing about. 난 할 수 있어! 믿어 봐!

Well. It's one of those "Getting Jealous of Other's Lives" days. It's weird. In the beginning, I'll feel jealous of their dramatic lives and deep thoughts, then I'll feel, "Can't we live...simply?" 난 싫다. I want to stop this. It'll be one of my new year resolutions for 2010, along with "getting 3.5GPA average". 3.2 is just bullshit! It's not even enough to get into a Singapore University, what's more to say Hongik. I wish I can do better. I will! =)

Back from the 3/4F BBQ/Chalet...! =) Didn't stay overnight - broke, and I really hate to explain why I have to stay overnight and all that jazzus crap. Anyway, there was less than half the class there, no? It's good...and it's bad too, since it's a class chalet. Feel bad for the guys having to do all the BBQ-ing. I envy our chalet neighbours, who had everybody (well, a lot of them) out of the chalet and just BBQing or bullshiting together. It's a small area, but it's better than being divided. The next will be better! Hope the rest have fun overnight and... Please piss the annoying security guard off.

It's the holidays, officially, starting today! I'm gonna do what I've procrastinated for so long. Fighting! Procrastination - to the left, to left, 귀찮은 procrastination move to the left! I said I was gonna go see BEG this Saturday, right? Well, I didn't. But I saw them during their fansign and, due to my change of luck, on Friday. What happened on Friday was me skipping my Korean lesson (미안해 선생님!) and going down to Marina Mandarin hotel with Michelle. I wasn't expecting to see them and when Michelle suddenly said, "Isn't that...Ga In?" I was like, "WUT?!" =P My heart inflated big time and my eyes were opened so wide. We kept waving, since they were right in front of us (perfect view) waiting at the lift lobby at the hotel, but no one returned the gesture. I heard Ga In call out "Unnie!" in that cute voice of hers, though! After they got onto the lift, we just kept on waving and finally(!!!), Narsha waved at us - no doubt because we w...

How much better can their songs get?! Abracadabra - didn't really like in the beginning, but addictive and it's lyrics are interesting. Sign - love at first listen. Moody Night - WTF was I doing missing out on this song?! I've been putting their albums on repeat for the one and a half days, and I realised just how much they've changed their musical style. From "I Got Fooled By You" to "Abracadabra" - it's a gigantic leap. If you were to to listen to both songs as an outsider, you wouldn't guess it's from the same artiste. They did try something more electronica with "How" but nothing compares to the songs in Sound G. I think it's the sexy feeling the songs oozes with. Their other hits were all innocent, cutesy (not Kara-cutesy) and sounds simple but the new songs are more sophisticated. It's actually a really good thing for them to upgrade their image. I guess they realised they can't always sing those romantic, bed-...

아ㅏㅏㅏㅏ 진짜! 오늘의 한국어시험 조금만 어렵지만 ... 한 부분 정말 멍~~~~~~야 수업을 듣지 못해 때문에 맞죠? Had a test for Korean class today. It was only a little difficult, but there was a part that I practically went "o____O". Must be because I missed a class? Lucky lucky lucky...! =D Our Drawing Studio(DS)'s Theme Illustration assignment date due just got postponed to next Monday! DAEBAK! -pops confetti- Guess I have more time to work on my Chinese New Year card assignment... Speaking of DS - I really think my lecturer-in-charge is a little too involved in whatever we're doing for our assignment. Too many suggestions, too many "I think"s and "You should"s. Look, there are people who do art purely for the sake of making something beautiful so people will go "Woah...so nice!!", and there are people who do art so that it makes people think deep and interpret it their way. Here's a fact: I'm not the latter! As much as I agree (and almost forced myself that way) that I s...

Pei told Jin and I something really hilarious a few days ago. That day there was gonna be a lecture with Michelle's class, so Pei was gonna sit with her and talk to her, since she's been so down lately. She went in, saw Mich chatting happily with her friends and told Unnie, "I think she's feeling better now/她很像好了". She told us that unnie disagreed and said, “No, this morning she came up to me, pointed at me like this, said 'Life is boring' and walked away." That was so made of win. I hope Michelle's feeling way, way better now... Because of Michelle's predicament, I think I understand some things now. As much as I think I'm freaking unlucky, it's actually being really lucky in a way. They are hilarious and minor things and actually great memories I wouldn't mind reminiscing about. Compared to other bigger troubles, mine is a piece of cake and I ought to even enjoy it. (My father kept telling me to stop being negative, too.) It...

안녕, 브러그! =) 정말 오랜만이야...ㅎㅎ Right. It's so troublesome to have to think about how to form the sentence and then attempt to type it out. I need more practice! Anyways, like I mentioned, it's been a loooooooooongx3334657 time. Long. Time. Well I'm back! No emo posts, just an update. Hmm, a lot happened and it's a little hard to write everything down, so I'll just write about happy stuff. Like my current obsessions! Obsession #1 - You're Beautiful I love this show! It's so gay (Korean netizens, please don't bomb me), it's hilarious. Like freaking hilarious. It deserves better ratings than Boys Over Flowers, IMO. Maybe because I've seen it's adaptation in another language before, but I found the story of BOF nothing special. I admit I was hooked to it before, but that situation had changed and I'm more head over heels about You're Beautiful than I've ever been about BOF. Despite getting owned like nobody's business by IRIS, I'm ...

"지나간 열병처럼 잠시 아프면 되나봐 작은 흉터만 남게되니까" - 박신혜/9th Street I'm pissed right now, for something small. For something that happens to me all the time, but for this time, a bigger problem. Even if I said that, it's still considered a minute problem compared to stuff like death and sickness - but I've just about had enoughed! My headphones spoiled. -imagines all the =__= expressions I'll get- It's such a small matter isn't it! But I'm so annoyed. Number one, because it happened on a horrible day, adding to my annoyance and number two, I get blamed for it - when I didn't mishandle it! Seriously! I admit I sometimes pull and tug at my earphones too much but for this one, which costed 35 bucks, I treated it with care and even put it in a pouch! And it fucking spoilt! Screw you! I know I'm born unlucky, all sorts of crap happens and I feel terrible, but most of the time, I laugh it off because it's really amusing. This is something small but I really ...