나쁜 마음을 먹게해
"너무 미안해서 눈길 못주고
가슴아파
첫마디를 뭘로 해
생각안나"
I've been meaning to speak my mind, but I always don't know how to start. Sometimes it's because I'm afraid it'll get misunderstood, but I shouldn't be afraid because I will never be understood.
It'll be messy - all over the place, it'll be long (I think) but bear with it, ne? =)
OMG, I'm not even sure if this will get published succesfully...Oh well:
I'm trying to find that SMS - "Let's be closer to each other". I'm really touched and glad about it, because I know you care.
You'll definitely remember, we don't message one other or even contact one another for a period of time, because it's awkward. Sometimes I give up trying to make this friendship work because I don't feel you trying too. It sucks and I'm a prideful person.
I used to have this best friend back in primary school days until this whole frienship crumbled because of her boyfriend, or so I thought.
I understand now it's never been real best-friendship. I don't know anything about friendship, unfortunately. I have a shallow understanding of it but will I ever understand?
I finally found the message. I'm tearing. Fuck.
I'm not even sure if you still remember it, but it's always been on my mind. Am I too clingy onto this? Sometimes I feel this way. I want to kick this bad habit and be a loner sometimes but I can't and that's the reason for those rare days I cry myself to sleep, thinking, "Why are you closer to someone else but not me?"
Whatever happened in the last two years of our secondary school, I'm sorry for it but I don't think I can do better even if I were to repeat it.
The two of you are my close friends and I hate to hurt both. Sometimes when Mogu urges me to stand up for you, I can't because I don't want to risk losing either. I know I suck as a friend but honestly, I don't know what I can do. "It's not your fault", you always say. What can I say to that?
I don't know and I don't think you do, but sometimes thoughts like, "You're probably blaming me for not sticking up for you" goes through my mind. Even if you do, its OK - but I believe you don't, despite the devil in me telling me something else.
I've always been thinking that my life's going on fine, switching to Poly but whenever I look back, the ghosts of past times haunts me and I feel all alone, all over again - like now.
It really sucks, you know? And I wish I can move to some foreign land and start life all over again. Or simply forget about the friends I have back there. For me, life's OK most of the time, if not boring but if the depression hits it's quite hard to make it go away.
Sometimes I might sound like I'm trying to say "I'm suffering the most" and that's one of the misunderstandings I hope to avoid by not blogging about heartfelt stuff. Just for the record, I know I don't.
Just saying "Let's get closer" doesn't result in it becoming reality. Actions speak louder than words, but unfortunately this wall before us is hard to break down and I'm always swayed by negativity. Will anyone ever understand?
You used to be my "best friend", in a childish way, and I greedily hoped to keep yourself for me - that's why I acted that way in secondary school. I can't turn back time and what's passed is history - it can't be changed. I just hope the memories can stop bothering me.
가슴아파
첫마디를 뭘로 해
생각안나"
- T-Max
I've been meaning to speak my mind, but I always don't know how to start. Sometimes it's because I'm afraid it'll get misunderstood, but I shouldn't be afraid because I will never be understood.
It'll be messy - all over the place, it'll be long (I think) but bear with it, ne? =)
OMG, I'm not even sure if this will get published succesfully...Oh well:
I'm trying to find that SMS - "Let's be closer to each other". I'm really touched and glad about it, because I know you care.
You'll definitely remember, we don't message one other or even contact one another for a period of time, because it's awkward. Sometimes I give up trying to make this friendship work because I don't feel you trying too. It sucks and I'm a prideful person.
I used to have this best friend back in primary school days until this whole frienship crumbled because of her boyfriend, or so I thought.
I understand now it's never been real best-friendship. I don't know anything about friendship, unfortunately. I have a shallow understanding of it but will I ever understand?
I finally found the message. I'm tearing. Fuck.
I'm not even sure if you still remember it, but it's always been on my mind. Am I too clingy onto this? Sometimes I feel this way. I want to kick this bad habit and be a loner sometimes but I can't and that's the reason for those rare days I cry myself to sleep, thinking, "Why are you closer to someone else but not me?"
Whatever happened in the last two years of our secondary school, I'm sorry for it but I don't think I can do better even if I were to repeat it.
The two of you are my close friends and I hate to hurt both. Sometimes when Mogu urges me to stand up for you, I can't because I don't want to risk losing either. I know I suck as a friend but honestly, I don't know what I can do. "It's not your fault", you always say. What can I say to that?
I don't know and I don't think you do, but sometimes thoughts like, "You're probably blaming me for not sticking up for you" goes through my mind. Even if you do, its OK - but I believe you don't, despite the devil in me telling me something else.
I've always been thinking that my life's going on fine, switching to Poly but whenever I look back, the ghosts of past times haunts me and I feel all alone, all over again - like now.
It really sucks, you know? And I wish I can move to some foreign land and start life all over again. Or simply forget about the friends I have back there. For me, life's OK most of the time, if not boring but if the depression hits it's quite hard to make it go away.
Sometimes I might sound like I'm trying to say "I'm suffering the most" and that's one of the misunderstandings I hope to avoid by not blogging about heartfelt stuff. Just for the record, I know I don't.
Just saying "Let's get closer" doesn't result in it becoming reality. Actions speak louder than words, but unfortunately this wall before us is hard to break down and I'm always swayed by negativity. Will anyone ever understand?
You used to be my "best friend", in a childish way, and I greedily hoped to keep yourself for me - that's why I acted that way in secondary school. I can't turn back time and what's passed is history - it can't be changed. I just hope the memories can stop bothering me.
Now, sometimes when we meet, it's all right, I guess.
Other times you make me feel that you're very lethargic, sad and stressed. When I talk to you on MSN, you sound so serious all the time. It's discouraging and I'm at loss for words. Whatever it's because of, I hope you can be cheerful like last time. Do you still remember your SMSes full of emotion and not monotone, like now?
I sound like a stalker but, well I just read your blog. I'm swayed again.
Am I the only person getting these monotone SMSes?
I'm glad you have people that can lift your spirits and make you happy, I'm sorry I can't be one.
힘네, 우리.
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