// dreamelesse.

요즘따라 주말이라도 아침에 알람소리를 듣을때 항상 "직장에 가야지..."라는 생각이 뜨고 한숨을 쉬었다. 소중한 주말인 만큼 이런 공포감을 그만 느끼게 만들 수 있으면 가끔씩 벌떡 밀려오는 내 삶에 대한 허무감도 덜 느끼겠지? 알람...뺄까?  빼고 늦잠을 자면 시간낭비가 되니까 더 허무감을 느낄건데... ... 결말은

#1 I sent the apologies to Dana and the 이상한 언니. I don't know what came over me, but the morning after I posted the previous blogpost, I wrote to the two of them. Last I checked, they both seemed to not have read it. It doesn't make me disappointed though; I'm just glad I plucked up the courage to even do that. It's not me trying to give myself a pat on the back, though I wonder again if apologies only benefit the wrongdoer since it doesn't erase the suffering the victim has to go through. Like I wrote previously, I only hope that the apology conveys how much I regret my actions and makes them feel better, no matter how slightly it is. I guess this is closure then?

I thought being a quarter of my life to a 100 years old, I would be better at relationships (platonic, familial, all there is under that label), but even after the last(?) post I've written — probably a year or two back — I'm still far from being as matured as I wish I am. I'm still regretting the things I've said and done during my internship in poly; I'm still regretting how my friendship with the weird unnie ended. In the shoes of a third-party, you could say it's all typical teenage behaviour and immaturity, but I wish I had the maturity then to handle my feelings and the situations better. I think it's been at least 5-6 years since that all happened and throughout the years I've thought of both incidents and thought of how I could apologise for the misdeeds. But I've never been brave enough to go through with the solutions I had in mind. Right now, it feels like I could write a sincere apology to each of them, but I ask myself, ...